Man is a social being. In the course of our lives, we constantly interact with a large number of people. The individual’s career growth, family well-being and material wealth depend on the quality of this communication. It seems that there is nothing easier to communicate with other people, obtain the necessary information in the process and apply it in certain situations. However, as practice shows, many people are born with difficulty communicating at any level. In the future, this leads to serious problems and significantly reduces the quality of life.
Therefore, in psychology, active listening techniques have been developed that make it possible to establish relationships not only between two individuals, but also within an entire social group. Recently, these methods and techniques are in great demand; in the age of high technology, not everyone has the gift of understanding the interlocutor, and therefore turns to specialists for help. In today's article we will talk about the methods, techniques and techniques of active listening, which many people successfully use in their lives, noting their unprecedented effectiveness.
The concept of active listening is quite simple and complex at the same time. It implies a special communication skill that involves the semantic perception of the interlocutor’s speech.
This technique shows that all participants are interested in the conversation, makes it possible to correctly evaluate the words and presentation of the speaker, direct the conversation in the right direction and leave only the most pleasant impressions about yourself.
In addition, the process of active listening is always aimed at creating an atmosphere of trust and a desire to better understand and also accept the position of your interlocutor. This technique is actively used during the provision of psychological assistance. After all, a specialist, in order to help his client, must fully enter into his position and experience the same range of emotions.
Many psychologists claim that thanks to the techniques of active listening, you can quickly improve relationships between parents and children, as well as resolve intra-family conflicts that have long tormented the couple. Some virtuosos use this technique at work, and say that it is extremely effective.
The Soviet public learned about active listening from Yulia Gippenreiter, a successful practicing psychologist specializing in family problems. It was she who drew attention to the fact that understanding, perception and attention are important for resolving many intra-family conflicts.
Based on her practice, she developed active listening techniques that are still used today. With their help, you can relieve tension in relationships in a few minutes and create a special atmosphere of trust that is conducive to conversation. During the conversation, it is enough to use several methods and techniques to understand all the emotional experiences of your interlocutor and become closer to him.
But emotional intimacy is the foundation on which you can build a strong family and become not just an authoritative parent for your child, but first of all a friend. Therefore, it can be argued that the methods and techniques of active listening will be useful to every person, without exception.
What is the purpose of listening to your interlocutor? This question cannot always be answered unambiguously. But psychologists say that the goal should always be information. The listener tries to extract as much information as possible from the conversation in order to correctly evaluate it and come to certain conclusions. However, the result of a conversation does not always depend on the eloquence of the speaker; the ability to listen is a rare gift that can bring invaluable benefits to its owner.
Psychologists can always distinguish an active listener from any other. They argue that an interested person always listens as if with his whole body. He is turned to face the interlocutor, maintains visual contact with him, often the body is tilted towards the speaker. All this is certain conditions for active listening, because on a non-verbal level our brain perceives all these actions as readiness to talk. The person relaxes and is ready to convey to us exactly what worries him. This is where active listening techniques come in handy; there are three of them:
The “echo” technique is used very often in the active listening technique. It consists of repeating the last words of the interlocutor, but with a questioning intonation. It implies clarification. It's as if you're trying to figure out whether you've understood your opponent correctly. He, in turn, feels his importance and your interest in the information presented.
Paraphrasing is also necessary for clarification. You retell the essence of what was said in your own words, wondering whether your interlocutor meant it. This technique prevents misunderstandings from occurring in a conversation. Each of the speakers will know for sure that the information was conveyed and understood correctly.
Interpretation also serves to increase the level of trust and understanding between two interlocutors. After the information has been voiced, the listener can retell it in his own words and make an assumption about the meaning that the speaker intended in it. In this way, possible conflicts are leveled out, and the significance of the conversation increases significantly.
I would like to note that for all its apparent simplicity, active listening is a rather complex system that requires careful study. It is a multi-level structure consisting of several elements.
The most important of them is considered to be unconditional acceptance of the interlocutor. This is the only way to improve relationships with loved ones. By nature, humans are more inclined to talk rather than listen. Against this background, everyone who knows how to listen and hear looks more advantageous and has every chance of success. Unconditional acceptance can be thought of as being deeply interested in another person who feels valued and becomes more open. Acceptance is often expressed in numerous questions asked of the interlocutor. They allow you to learn a lot of new information and show how important the speaker is to you.
Another element of active listening is nonverbal cues. Periodically nodding your head, shaking it, moving closer to your interlocutor - all this makes him feel your interest in the conversation. Sometimes you can insert interjections to make it clear that you are still listening carefully to the person and understand everything he wants to tell you.
It is also impossible to imagine active listening without insight into the emotional state of your partner. Empathy expressed in simple words increases the level of understanding between interlocutors. However, you should not overuse phrases. It is enough to simply support a person, showing that you completely share his emotions in a particular situation.
Verbal feedback is no less important in communication. Thanks to leading questions, you will receive confirmation that you understand your partner correctly. There will be no doubt about sincerity between you. In addition, the interlocutor will be sure that he is treated without prejudice. Don't hesitate to contact your partner for clarification. However, never continue his thoughts, even when it seems to you that you know exactly what will be discussed. The development of thought should proceed smoothly and it is necessary for the one who started it to finish it. In this case, you show your respect, interest and acceptance of the interlocutor.
Some psychologists equate active listening and empathy. Despite the differences in these concepts, there is quite a lot in common between them. After all, without the ability to empathize, read and feel other people’s emotions, it is impossible to find mutual understanding and learn not only to listen, but also to hear a person. This gives him a feeling of importance and increases self-esteem. Therefore, do not forget about the basic principles of active perception:
Remember that you can understand the speaker only when you feel his emotional background, but concentrate on the words spoken. If you allow yourself to become completely immersed in someone else's emotions, you will likely miss the point of the conversation.
Most psychologists advise anyone who strives to gain new contacts and wants to be successful in all social groups to master the techniques of active perception of information. In addition, this will help you better understand your other half and children.
Active listening techniques include:
Mastery of all seven techniques greatly simplifies a person’s life, because he will be able to establish contact with any interlocutor. Such skills are highly valued in the modern world. Therefore, in further sections of the article we will go through each item in the above list in detail.
People often underestimate the capabilities of this technique. But it gives the speaker the opportunity to collect his thoughts, consider the information and continue the conversation with new details. Indeed, sometimes after taking an active listening “pause” the interlocutor opens up even more fully.
For the listener, forced short silence is also useful. It allows you to step away a little from the emotions of your verbal partner and completely focus on his words.
An ordinary conversation involves many omissions, omissions and understatements. They are thought up by both sides in an arbitrary order, but with active perception this cannot be allowed. After all, the main goal is to extract the truthful and most complete information on the topic of the conversation, as well as to establish contact with a partner.
Therefore, clarification performs two functions at once:
This maintains mutual understanding and trust between interlocutors.
Sometimes the speaker becomes so immersed in his emotions that he gradually loses the thread of the conversation. The “thought development” technique consists of unobtrusively directing the conversation in the right direction. The listener repeats the previously expressed thought, and his interlocutor returns to it and develops it.
This technique can be called a kind of feedback. After a large block of expressed thoughts and voiced emotions, the listener briefly retells everything he heard. The speaker emphasizes the most important thing, which in some cases becomes an intermediate result of the conversation.
Often, retelling becomes an indicator of understanding between the interlocutors and the listener’s interest in the ongoing conversation.
This technique is good for communication between spouses or parents and children. As a result of the conversation or during its process, the listener reports the impression that the verbal partner and the conversation itself made on him.
At the moment of communication, the listener can talk about his emotional reaction to certain words of the interlocutor. It can be positive or negative. However, in any case, the reaction should be communicated in a calm and friendly tone.
At the conclusion of the conversation, the listener sums up certain results that give a certain coloring and meaning to the conversation. The speaker can confirm or refute these conclusions.
Where can you apply the acquired knowledge in practice? Believe me, you will definitely use them, for example, in communicating with children. The conversation will always be effective if you can adhere to some rules of active listening:
In any personal interaction, the techniques and techniques we described earlier can be expressed in correctly constructed phrases. For example, the following options can be given:
It is impossible to imagine the sales field without the use of active listening techniques. They are especially relevant in the process of communication between the client and the manager.
Psychologists believe that the ability to hear your interlocutor and ask him the right questions can work real miracles. Try active listening in practice and perhaps your life will become a little different.
Theoretical information
Psychology is an amazing science. At the same time, it is both young and one of the most ancient sciences. Already the philosophers of antiquity reflected on problems that are also relevant for modern psychology. Questions of the relationship between soul and body, perception, memory and thinking; questions of training and education, emotions and motivation of human behavior and many others have been raised by scientists since the emergence of the first philosophical schools of Ancient Greece in the 6-7 centuries BC. But the ancient thinkers were not psychologists in the modern sense. The symbolic date of birth of the science of psychology is considered to be 1879, the year of the opening of the first experimental psychological laboratory by Wilhelm Wundt in Germany, in the city of Leipzig. Until this time, psychology remained a speculative science. And only W. Wundt took upon himself the courage to combine psychology and experiment. For W. Wundt, psychology was the science of consciousness. In 1881, on the basis of the laboratory, the Institute of Experimental Psychology was opened (which still exists today), which became not only a scientific center, but also an international center for the training of psychologists. In Russia, the first psychophysiological laboratory of experimental psychology was opened by V.M. Bekhterev in 1885 at the Kazan University clinic.
Olga Sinitsina
Card index of games for the development of “active listening”
Exercise « Active listening»
Purpose of the exercise: Developing Active Listening Skills
Participants split into pairs and decide who is the speaker and who is the listening. Then the presenter announces that the task listeners will listen attentively for 2-3 minutes"a very boring story." The presenter then calls the future "storytellers" aside, ostensibly to instruct them on how to make the story "very boring." Actually gives clarification (so that " listening“haven’t heard this, that the point is not in the degree of boring of the story, but in the fact that the narrator records typical reactions listening. To do this, the narrator is recommended to pause at a convenient moment after a one-minute segment of speech and continue the story after receiving any reaction. listening(nod, gesture, words, etc.). If within 7-10 sec. there is no pronounced reaction, you should continue the story for another minute and pause again and remember the next reaction listening. This ends the exercise.
The actual content of the instructions and the purpose of the exercise are revealed to all group members. Storytellers are asked to keep the content of the response in mind listening(classifying the apparent lack of reactions as “deaf silence”). The presenter gives a list of the most typical techniques hearings, naming them and giving the necessary explanations.
Exercise "Telefax"
Purpose of the exercise: Work on skills active listening.
Preparation:
Draw on sheets of paper several easy to depict objects: tree, house, fish, flower. In addition, each team will need paper and pencil.
Stages of the game:
The group is divided into teams of six to eight players each. Everyone sits down one behind the other on chairs. (the backs of the chairs must be turned to the side) or on the floor. The first player in the row receives a blank sheet of paper and a pencil, the last one receives card with a picture(no one else should see her).
Each team will now work like a telefax. Team members try to relay the message as quickly and accurately as possible. This message is a simple image of an object that is drawn with the index finger on the back of the person in front. Players should not talk to each other.
When "message" reaches the first team member, he draws on a piece of paper an object that, as it seems to him, was drawn on his back, and shouts "Ready!". After this you can compare both cards.
Before the start of the next round, find out whether the teams will change the order of players.
At the end of the game, a discussion of several questions:
Did the team work well together?
How could work efficiency be improved?
Why was the speed at which teams completed tasks different?
Options:
Players can also send text messages, for example, simple words: "Yes", "No", "Hello", "hooray" etc.
Exercise "The Hearers"
Purpose of the exercise: Learn to effectively hearing.
Group members are divided into pairs. One person should tell some interesting story from his life for three minutes, and the second should use facial expressions, gestures, facial expressions and other non-verbal and verbal ways to demonstrate his attention and interest in the information.
All other group members evaluate effectiveness using a ten-point system hearings and determine its level. The procedure is repeated until all group members take part in the game.
Reflection.
Exercise ". but you"
Purpose of the exercise: Creates a positive atmosphere in the group and can also serve as a great end to the training.
Equipment: sheets of A4 paper according to the number of participants, the same number of pens, maybe multi-colored.
Progress of the lesson: Each of the participants signs their sheet and writes one of their shortcomings on it, then passes their sheet to the other participants. They write on his sheet ". but you." and then some positive quality of this person: anything (you have very beautiful eyes, you tell jokes better than anyone).
At the end of the task, each participant is returned his sheet.
During the task, the group is in a lively and good mood; and in any group, even in which the participants are very tired or tense, the task is carried out with great enthusiasm.
Summing up the day
E lesson
Target:Development of qualities characterizing a sociable personality.
Unusual greeting
Purpose of the exercise: Warm-up, greeting each other.
Greet the training participants with the word “Hello!” with 10 different shades: fear, pleasure, discipline, surprise, reproach, joy, displeasure, dignity, irony, indifference, etc.
Exercise "Transitions"
Purpose of the exercise: Activation attention to each other.
We train working skills composure: Look at your comrades in the semicircle, pay attention to the hair color of each of them. Now switch places so that the participant with the lightest hair is on the far right, the one with the darkest hair is next to him, and the participant with the darkest hair is on the far left. No noisy discussions!
Exercise "Lunokhod"
Purpose of the exercise:Develops feelings of resilience, perseverance and helps relieve tension in the group.
Participants must stand in a circle. Look only into each other's eyes. The one who laughs must sit in a circle and squat across the circle, speaking: "I am Lunokhod 1". The next one will be Lunokhod 2, etc. This must be done before only 1 person remains standing. He is the most self-possessed.
Exercise "His forte"
Purpose of the exercise: Warm-up, developing the ability to speak and listen to compliments. - Let's start today with a game. Taking turns throwing this ball to each other, we will talk about the unconditional advantages and strengths of the person to whom the ball is thrown. We will be careful to make sure everyone has the ball."
Exercise "Jailbreak"
Purpose of the exercise: development abilities for empathy, understanding facial expressions, body language.
Group members stand in two lines facing each other. The presenter suggests exercise: “The first line will play the criminals, the second will play their accomplices who came to prison in order to arrange an escape. There is a soundproof glass partition between you. During the short meeting time, the accomplices, using gestures and facial expressions, must “tell” the criminals how they will save them from prison (each “accomplice” saves one “criminal”)"After the end of the game, the “criminals” talk about whether they understood the escape plan correctly.
Exercise "Leaving Contact"
Purpose of the exercise: Development communication skills.
Imagine the situation: “You have met a not very close acquaintance who has time and wants to communicate with you, but you have no time.” Group members role-play the situation, offering several options for leaving contact. This is followed by a discussion.
Exercise "On the plane"
Purpose of the exercise: Development communication skills.
The group is asked to role-play the following situation: “you bought a ticket for a Moscow-Khabarovsk plane, there are 7 hours of flight ahead. You don’t want to sleep, you don’t have an interesting book, you pay attention to your neighbor and try to start a conversation with him. What will you do if your neighbor it turns out: an elderly woman reading a book, a young girl, etc.” All members of the group are included in the game, either in the role of someone who wants to make contact, or in the role of his fellow traveler in different versions.
Results of the day.
E lesson
Target:Complete training. Consolidation of acquired skills.
Exercise "Performance"
Purpose of the exercise: - formation of attitudes towards identifying positive personal and other qualities; - the ability to introduce yourself and enter into primary contact with others.
Participants are given the following explanation: In your performance, you should try to reflect your personality so that all other participants will immediately remember the speaker. For example, “I am a tall, strong and confident person. My appearance is ordinary, but my hair is a beautiful color and slightly curly, which is the subject of slight envy of many women. But the main thing I want to draw your attention to is that it is interesting to be with me in any company and it’s fun, you know, as a rule, I play the role of toastmaster” or “I’m middle-aged, my appearance is not flashy, my abilities and capabilities are ordinary, the only thing I’m good at, maybe better than others, and I’m ready to devote all my time to is cooking and treating deliciously. "I promise everyone an apple pie for tea."
Exercise "Dispute"
Purpose of the exercise: Development of active listening skills.
The exercise is carried out in the form of a debate. Participants are divided into two teams of approximately equal size. Using lots, it is decided which of the teams will take one of the alternative positions on any issue, For example: supporters and opponents "tanning", "smoking", "separate nutrition" etc. Team members express arguments in favor of a particular point of view one by one. A mandatory requirement for players is to support the statements of their opponents and understand the essence of the argument. In progress hearings whichever team member whose turn it is to speak next should react with uh-huh and echoes, ask clarifying questions if the content of the argument is not completely clear, or make a paraphrase if the impression of complete clarity is created. Arguments in favor of your team’s position are allowed to be expressed only after the speaker signals in one way or another that he was understood correctly (nod head: "Yes, that's exactly what I meant."). The presenter monitors the order of performances, so that listening supported the statement without skipping beats, paraphrase, using the reactions of the corresponding beat. You can give clarifications: "Yes, you heard me correctly". Participants should be cautioned against attempting to continue and develop the interlocutor's thoughts, attributing to him words that are not his.
Exercise “I see the difference”
Purpose of the exercise:Development concentration.
One volunteer will stay behind the door for a while. The remaining participants are divided into two groups according to some selected criterion. The sign must be visually visible (for example, the presence of laces on shoes). The two resulting groups sit in different places in the room to be designated in space. The returning participant will have to determine on what basis the group was divided into two parts.
Exercise "We are alike"
Purpose of the exercise: Increasing trust in each other.
First, the participants walk randomly around the room and say 2 phrases to each person they meet, starting with words: - You are like me in that. - I differ from you in that...
Psychology. Active listening training
Andrey Vorozheikin
ACTIVE LISTENING TRAINING EXERCISES ARE DESIGNED FOR STUDENTS OF 9-11 GRADES OF GENERAL EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTIONS (FROM WORK EXPERIENCE)
Exercise I. “Dialogue”
The training participants are divided into pairs. One of the partners receives a card describing the behavior that he should demonstrate (one of the signs of poor listening). The other partner, not knowing about the content of the first one’s instructions, begins to talk about some interesting event from his life or talk on one of the listed topics for three minutes (topic options: 1. An interesting event this week; 2. Where would I like to relax ; 3. My favorite movie; 4. My favorite TV show). Instructions for taking actions that reflect poor listening:
- do not look at the interlocutor;
- start going about your business, for example, tying your shoelaces, putting your clothes in order, looking in the mirror;
- constantly interrupt your interlocutor, trying to talk about a similar event in your life, gesturing exaggeratedly with your hands;
- look tired, yawn, speak very slowly, quietly, drawing out words.
After the specified time has expired, the psychologist turns to those who spoke with the question: what bothered them and how comfortable they felt in this dialogue. During the group discussion, it becomes clear what good listening is, how the students would like their listener to be. Statements are recorded on the board.
Theoretical box (information materials)
Listening means understanding the feelings and states of the interlocutor. When we are asked for help, it is important to show disposition and sympathy so that the other can see and feel what we feel towards him.
Hearing Rules:
- posture, facial expressions, gestures should indicate that you are an interested listener, or vice versa;
- show the speaker that you understand him (a nod, clarifying questions, paraphrase allow you to do this);
- don’t give assessments;
- don't give advice.
The expression of friendly feelings occurs in communication primarily with the help of non-verbal signals that serve as methods of support. They are a smile, an open posture, leaning forward, touching, eye contact, a nod, and an “equal” position.
Smile
This is the simplest way to show a person that you respect him and want to maintain contact with him. A smile says “I like you,” “I feel good,” “You can trust me.” Because others don't know what you're thinking, if you don't smile, they may get the impression that you're not interested in them or that you're being unfriendly.
Open pose
To establish good contact with others, it is important to express your friendliness, which is manifested through a relaxed, relaxed body position. An open pose is not folded arms and legs crosswise, being close to each other, turning to another.
Forward lean
Sitting or standing directly opposite someone and leaning slightly towards him is an important sign for your interlocutor: he understands that you treat him with interest and attention.
Touch
The most intense form of communication is touch (touch). The need for it is very deep. For young children, affection is the key to their good condition and well-being. And if touch is so important at the beginning of life, then it is obvious that it will be important later. In this case, the degree of closeness with the interlocutor is of great importance. Depending on the relationships we have or want to have, we create space around our body.
Eye contact
Looking at each other is a condition for any contact. Eye contact is a strong signal of attention and respect and helps us recognize another. Looking at your interlocutor for a longer period of time can serve as an invitation to deepen the relationship. And vice versa, if you don’t look at your interlocutor, it means you don’t want to have anything to do with him.
Nod
Few people fully understand how important nodding is. If you don't nod at all when someone talks to you, then the other person assumes that you either aren't listening anymore or aren't interested. Nodding encourages continuation of a message or story and is also perceived as understanding.
Exercise II. “Development of nonverbal communication skills”
The training participants are divided into groups of three. In small groups, everyone has the opportunity to play three roles for five to eight minutes:
- speaking;
- a listener to your interlocutor (classmate);
- an observer who objectively monitors the ongoing process and later evaluates the conversation that took place.
Then the training participants share their impressions of this exercise. Questions for discussion:
- What prevented you from speaking, what helped? (for those who were in the role of speaker);
- Which method of support was easiest to use, which was more difficult? (for those who were in the role of listener);
- Which position was easier (listener or speaker)? Why?
III. Exercise “Paraphrase”
The training participants are divided into pairs. One of the partners is a listener, the other talks about their problems. Conversation topics may include the following:
- My difficulties in communicating with teachers;
- My difficulties in communicating with classmates;
- My difficulties in communicating with elders;
- It's difficult for me to meet new people.
The listener's task is to use paraphrase. After five to six minutes, the partners change roles. You can do this exercise again with new pairs. Then the training participants share their impressions of this exercise. Questions for discussion:
- When you listened, was it difficult to use paraphrase and other methods of support? What worked and what didn't?
- When they spoke, how comfortable did you feel in this contact, what in the listener helped you speak, encouraged you to trust, and what hindered you?
ACTIVE LISTENING
Active listening- a way of conducting a conversation in personal or business relationships, when the listener actively demonstrates that he hears and understands, first of all, the feelings of the speaker. Actively listen interlocutor - means:
· Make it clear to your interlocutor that you have heard from what he told you;
· Inform your partner about his feelings and experiences related to the story.
Application results active listening:
· The interlocutor begins to treat you with greater confidence.
· Your communication partner tells you much more than he would in a normal situation.
· You get the opportunity to understand the interlocutor and his feelings.
· If a communication partner is excited or angry about something, then active listening helps to painlessly “let off steam.”
Rules active listening:
1. Friendly attitude. React calmly to everything your interlocutor says. No personal assessments or comments on what was said.
2. Do not ask questions. Construct sentences in the affirmative form.
3. Take a break. Give your interlocutor time to think.
4. Don't be afraid to make erroneous assumptions about how the other person is feeling. If something is wrong, the interlocutor will correct you.
5. Eye contact: the eyes of the interlocutors are at the same level.
6. If you understand that the interlocutor is not in the mood for conversations and frankness, then leave him alone.
Example active listening
MOM: Mashenka, it’s late, all the guys are sleeping.
DAUGHTER: Alone and alone all day, I don’t want any more!
MOTHER: You play with the kids in the garden all day long... (Remembers active listening.) You feel lonely...
DAUGHTER: Yes, there are a lot of kids, but mom is not allowed into the garden.
MOM: You miss me.
DAUGHTER: I miss you, and Sasha Petrov is fighting.
MOM: You're angry with him.
DAUGHTER: He broke my game!
MOM: And you were upset...
DAUGHTER: No, I pushed him so as not to break him, and he hit me on the back with a cube.
MOTHER: It hurt... (Pause.)
DAUGHTER: It hurts, but you’re not there!
MOTHER: You wanted your mother to feel sorry for you.
DAUGHTER: I wanted to go with you...
MOTHER: Let's go... (Pause.)
DAUGHTER: You promised to take Igor and me to the zoo, I keep waiting and waiting, but you don’t take me!
The example is taken from the book by Gippenreiter Yu. B. “Communicate with a child - How?”
Practice active listening.
Let's say you're trying to apply active listening to a person who is offended by you for some unknown reason:
You:
- You are offended by me. (soft)
Companion:
- No. (irritated)
What to do next? After all, the interlocutor did not give you any clues to formulate the next sentence. In fact, when a person tells you something, not only words work, but also facial expressions, tone, posture, etc. The interlocutor sends you an answer at 2 levels: open (the message itself) and hidden (feelings). In the example above, we have a lack of information at the open level, but more than enough information at the hidden level.
An example of the following phrase:
- You deny that you were offended because you don’t want to quarrel with me.
-Your voice is very angry because you are dissatisfied with my behavior.
- You are unhappy that... (assumption)
You can simply return the initiative to your interlocutor.
- I’m not offended... (pause)
If the interlocutor is in the mood for communication, he will say something.
Active Listening Technique
Ivan Tychinin
It happens that we cannot understand a person, pay attention to him, or remember what he tells us. It turns out) it is very important to listen and hear your interlocutor in order to avoid misunderstandings and breakdowns in communication. And then there is the technique of “active listening”. By the way, in the use of such communication techniques there is one extremely valuable message - you need to take responsibility for the results of communication. You are responsible for what and how your interlocutor understood, what and how you understood, what emotions arise in both of you during the communication process, etc.
So "active listening". It helps: to hear the interlocutor, clarify the essence of his speech, better remember the content of the conversation, manage the emotional side of the conversation, and establish contact with the person. And it is also very important - active listening contributes to the speaking of your interlocutor. The interlocutor will be able to tell you more.
To turn your listening into active listening, you need to follow a few tips:
Encourage your interlocutor
Express interest and encourage your interlocutor’s speech. Use neutral words that do not express judgment. Avoid criticism.
Use: Aha, Uh-huh, yes, I understand, etc. Verbatim repetition of one or two words of the interlocutor will also help.
Clarification
Helps clarify what was said, clarify it, and get more information. Ask questions. Restate what you heard in a way that is not entirely accurate so that the speaker continues the explanation.
When, how did this happen? Did I understand correctly that...? As far as I understand, this is... I heard...
Asking again
Here you need to show that you are listening and understand the essence of what is being said. You also check your own understanding. Ask again in your own way, formulating the main sentences and facts.
That is, you would like your partners to trust you more. Isn't it?
Empathy
Show that you understand the other person's feelings. Give the person the opportunity to hear about his feelings from the outside.
You seem upset by this fact...?
Expression of empathy
Recognize the importance and express respect for the feelings and experiences of another person. We emphasize the importance of his self-esteem and significance. We recognize the significance of the interlocutor’s problems.
I appreciate your desire to resolve this issue...
I share your concern about this issue....
Summing up
Indicate progress in the conversation. Bring together the main ideas and facts. Create a basis for further discussion. Here it is necessary to restate the main ideas and feelings.
Did I understand correctly that...?
As a result, we can say that...
As far as I understand this..., it was about....
I think this was the key idea...
Let's sum it up....As a result....
These things will most likely seem familiar and simple to you. However, they are very effective and sometimes do wonders for the quality of our communication. The basic rule is not to perceive or use them mechanically. Their use should not turn into parroting and intense adherence to the rule of “active listening.” It will be much better if you just keep them in mind, reach a level where their use comes not from rules and advice, but from the heart. It is important to sincerely feel interest in the interlocutor, to see his exclusivity and uniqueness. And treat it with care and love! Then everything will work out!
Mandatory rules for active listening:
1. Do not evaluate the narrator’s opinion. Maintain a neutral-approving attitude. His point of view may differ from yours, he has the right to his personal opinion, which you accept and respect.
2. Be friendly and courteous. Stay calm and avoid harsh statements. Establish contact by looking into the eyes of your interlocutor with attention and participation, but not searchingly. Don't interrupt him or fill in pauses when he stops talking.
3. Be sincere in your desire to listen to the person. If you are not really interested, then the active listening technique will not bring any results.
Using the technique of active listening and a sincere desire to listen and understand the interlocutor will make communication pleasant and more trusting, allowing the interlocutor to let off steam and say more than he intended. This will help you connect with people faster and easier, and will make your communications more positive and effective.
| The first rule of active listening is making eye contact. If a person is busy with something, then he needs to either break away from what he is doing and devote full time to his partner, or ask to postpone the conversation for a while. It is important that if you ask to postpone the conversation, you must indicate the exact time after which you will be able to free yourself, and confirm that after the specified time you will come up on your own to discuss the issue. At the same time, words should not diverge from deeds. Eye contact must be maintained throughout the conversation. This doesn't mean you have to look each other straight in the eyes all the time. It is enough to turn to face each other. 2) The intonation with which the paraphrase is pronounced is important. Your remarks should be pronounced in an affirmative form, not in a question form. In the paraphrase, as well as in your facial expressions, gestures and gaze, there should be no condemnation, dissatisfaction, or “silent reproach.” There must be, at a minimum, understanding, and at a maximum, sympathy (i.e., joining the speaker’s feelings). 3) Don't rush. In a dialogue, it can be very useful to “hold a pause.” That is, after you have retold and named your partner’s feelings, you need to wait until the partner himself reacts to your remark. There is no need to push him or give him another paraphrase (“otherwise you suddenly didn’t understand me!”). As a rule, the most important things in human communication happen during such pauses. 4) Don’t be afraid to make a mistake when naming your interlocutor’s feelings. Even if you made a mistake, the interlocutor will correct you, but in any case, he will appreciate your attempt to establish contact. This will be a good reason for the interlocutor to clarify his feelings. | ||
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A cycle of 4 lessons for children from grades 4-7
Target:
Note: It is important to highlight the existing types of response to conflict.
Note that "when avoidance of the conflict, neither side achieves success; in such forms of behavior as competition, device And compromise, either one of the participants wins and the other loses, or both lose because they make compromise concessions. And only in a situation cooperation both sides win” (K. Thomas).
On the one hand, the class presents various types of reactions in conflict situations; for the situation of the class as a whole, this can have positive aspects from the position that each student can choose a communication partner taking into account his own preferences. On the other hand, the level cooperation the class as a whole is not high, so it is necessary to work on improving the level of interpersonal relationships. By working on this problem, you can raise the level of cooperation in the classroom with the goal of support and mutual assistance in learning activities.
Communication is an art that we either master, or we don’t master, or we don’t master it fully. And a lot in the life of each of us depends on how skillful we are in communication, how much we know how to build relationships with people, how attentive we are to people.
Human society is unthinkable without communication. A person communicates with other people from the moment of birth, but sometimes people find themselves helpless in the area of interpersonal relationships, so a person must learn the rules of interaction with people. This is called communication competence.
There are two types of communication: verbal And nonverbal. Communication carried out using words is called verbal. In nonverbal communication, the means of transmitting information are nonverbal signs (postures, gestures, facial expressions, intonations, etc.). Nonverbal means of communication are more often used to establish emotional contact with the interlocutor and maintain it during the conversation.
In addition, communication is a complex process of establishing and developing contacts between people, generated by the needs of joint activities and including the exchange of information, the development of a unified interaction strategy, perception and understanding of another person
Target: The following exercises can provide group members with an opportunity to become more familiar with and experiment with verbal and nonverbal communication.
Progress of the lesson: « Choose your partner. Do one of the communication exercises below together. After about five minutes, move to another partner and do the second exercise. Repeat the same for the last two exercises.
Back to back. Sit back to back. Try to have a conversation. After a few minutes, turn around and share your feelings.
Sitting and standing. One of the partners is sitting, the other is standing. Try to have a conversation in this position. After a few minutes, switch positions so that each of you experiences the feeling of being “on top” and “from below.” After a few more minutes, share your feelings.
Only the eyes. Look into each other's eyes. Make eye contact without using words. After a few minutes, verbally share your feelings.
Facial examination. Sit face to face and explore your partner's face with your hands. Then let your partner explore your face. Share your feelings and experiences."
At the end of the test, conduct a conversation with the students about in which position it was more convenient for them to communicate, where they felt most comfortable, and where, on the contrary, it was compressed and uncertain.
First, we need to look at some area of nonverbal communication. It is connected precisely with the positions of the two interlocutors:
Spatial relationships are the relative positions of interlocutors at the moment of their physical, visual or other contact.
Thus, it is quite easy to establish what level of communication your potential partner wants to adhere to. It is enough to intentionally reduce personal distance, and the other person will unconsciously make a move to establish the distance that he currently finds acceptable. For example, if you move closer (lean) towards your interlocutor or interlocutor, reducing the distance to the level of intimate communication, and he or she is in no hurry to move away, then this, in all likelihood, indicates a readiness for closer contact. However, it must be remembered that overuse of this diagnostic technique risks the fact that your approach may be perceived as aggression or familiarity, or perhaps as shameless flirtation.
Managers can also strengthen their superior claims through spatial harassment of their subordinates.
When a woman invades a man’s intimate zone, the outrage will not be as strong as when a man invades a woman’s intimate zone.
In this space, normal values must be realized communication processes happening between people. However, people who focus on internal experiences tend to maintain greater distance than extroverts. If a person does not notice the personal zone and approaches the intimate zone too quickly or even invades its boundaries, then he thereby demonstrates his lack of the necessary tact and correct assessment of the personality of another person. He literally appears intrusive and makes a depressing impression. In fact, protecting personal areas is one of the main principles of wordless communication.
But personal distance is not the same for people raised in similar conditions. So, they tend to be closer to their partner children And old people; teenagers and middle-aged people prefer distant distances. In addition, we usually try to be at a greater distance from those whose position or power is higher than ours, while people of equal status communicate at a close distance.
An important role in regulating personal distance is played by floor And growth of interlocutors. The taller a man is, the more he tends to get closer to his interlocutor, and, conversely, the shorter his height, the greater the distance he prefers to stay. In women, the opposite dependence is observed. The explanation for this is that an ordinary “cultural norm” has developed in society - a man should be large, and a woman, on the contrary, should be miniature. And we unconsciously strive to adjust life to this conditional norm. A tall man is pleased to stand next to a short interlocutor, while a tall woman, on the contrary, tends to move further away in order to hide her “flaw.”
We deal with social distancing mainly in the sphere of business relationships. Involuntarily, the dimensions of this distance are established when there is a dining table or a desk between the interlocutors. At such a distance from each other, all conversations take place, during which there is no attempt to establish close relationships, and the conversation is more about this or that matter than about a person. At the same distance, conversations take place about problems that are not of immediate concern and are considered abstractly, “from the outside.”
It should be borne in mind that distances differ markedly among different nations. American researcher E. Hall conducted an interesting experiment. In a business conversation, he pitted unfamiliar indigenous citizens of his country against typical representatives of Latin American countries. Based on the results of the conversation, the interlocutors’ perceptions of each other were clarified. Hall found that during the conversation, Latinos involuntarily sought to get closer to their partner, while US citizens kept moving away. Subsequently, analyzing his first impression of a new acquaintance, the North American thought about the Latino: how intrusive, unceremonious, and pretending to establish close relationships. And the representative of the Latin American country also sincerely believed that the Yankees were arrogant, indifferent, and too official. In fact, differences in traditional zonal norms had an effect. The distance of business communication customary in the United States seems prohibitively large to Latin Americans, since from childhood they have learned the norm accepted in their countries to approach the interlocutor almost closely.
For the distance of communication, factors such as the social prestige or social position of the interlocutor, introversion - extroversion, the total volume of the conversation and, what is especially important, its content are no less significant. It is important that the distance also changes depending on external situational factors, for example, on the size of the room.
All this demonstrates the importance and power of distance and proves that, as with other aspects of body language, we can all benefit from becoming more sensitive to the nuances of the position we occupy in relation to the interlocutor.
Progress of the game:
After it is completed, the participants themselves count the number of points scored and evaluate their listening skills.
Target: improving coordination and interaction skills at the psychomotor level; development of imagination and empathy.
Everyone sits in a circle. One of the group members begins the action with an imaginary object so that it can be continued. The neighbor repeats the action and continues it. Thus, the item goes around the circle and returns to the first player. He names the object he handed over, and each of the participants names, in turn, what exactly he passed on. After discussion, the exercise is repeated again.
Purpose of the exercise: helping participants understand what persuasive speaking is, developing persuasive speaking skills.
Procedure: Two participants are called. The presenter gives each of them a matchbox, one of which contains a colored piece of paper. After both participants have found out which of them has a piece of paper in the box, each begins to prove to the “public” that it is he who has the piece of paper in the box. The public's task is to decide by consensus who exactly has the piece of paper in the box. If the “audience” makes a mistake, the presenter comes up with a punishment for her (for example, to jump for one minute).
You can use other variants of this technique:
- ask the participants to prove that the piece of paper is in the possession of the second person (“accuse” him of this), but it is necessary to make sure that there is no piece of paper in any box. This way, both participants will be confident that they are telling the truth.
- call two people, give them a sheet of paper, on each of which you will write a certain color (for example, “blue” and “red”). It is necessary to prove that the color that the participant got is better than the color of his opponent.
After the lesson, it is necessary to discuss the observations of the participants and the rest of the class. During the discussion, it is important to analyze those cases when the “public” was mistaken - what verbal and non-verbal components led them to believe the lie. In addition, it is necessary for the training participants to draw conclusions about what needs to be done to appear more convincing.
Target: developing quick response skills when making contact; development of empathy and reflection in the learning process.
The exercise involves a series of meetings, each time with a new person. Task: it’s easy to get in touch, keep up the conversation and say goodbye.
Group members stand according to the “carousel” principle, that is, facing each other, and form two circles: an internal stationary one and an external mobile one.
Examples of situations
Time to establish contact and conduct a conversation is 3–4 minutes. Then the presenter gives a signal, and the training participants move to the next participant.
Progress of the game: Participants in the lesson should close their eyes and, without talking to each other, try to count numbers sequentially (1,2,3, etc.). However, they should not name one number at a time. In this case, the counting starts again. Such a game requires participants to be attentive to each other and promotes class unity in achieving a common goal.
Target: completion of the lesson.
Instructions: « Let's stand in a circle and all join hands. Now, by lightly squeezing my neighbor’s hand, I will send a signal in the form of a sequence of quick or longer squeezes. The signal will be transmitted in a circle until it returns back to me. With this handshake we will say goodbye to each other until the next lesson.”
Participants sit in a circle.
“I have several cards in my hands. The names of various objects, states, and concepts are written on them. For example, lamp, sleep, light, fun, etc. I will pin a card on the back of one of you, say Oleg, but I will do it so that he does not see what is written on it. Oleg will then approach different group members (of his choice), and those he approaches will non-verbally show him what is written on his card. Oleg’s task is to understand what is written on the card.”
During the exercise, the trainer encourages the participants to continue until the participant determines exactly what is written on the card, after which the next participant receives the card.
The exercise allows all group members to play both roles and practice searching for means of transmitting information, reflecting on the reasons for non-verbal interpretations, the accuracy of finding them, etc.
Time: 15-20 min.
Group members write on separate sheets of paper a short, concise answer to the question: “What is your main communication problem?” The sheets are not signed. The sheets are rolled up and placed in a common pile. Then each student randomly takes any piece of paper, reads it and tries to find a technique with which he could get out of this problem. The group listens to his proposal and evaluates whether the relevant problem is correctly understood and whether the proposed technique actually contributes to solving it. Statements that criticize, clarify or expand the answer are allowed.
Target: increasing the level of group cohesion, developing active listening skills, increasing players’ readiness to consciously build their life and professional prospects.
Time: 25 - 40 minutes.
Progress of the lesson:
(The exercise is carried out in a circle.)
They say that somewhere in the Caucasus there is an old cemetery, where on the gravestones you can find inscriptions like this: “Suleiman Babashidze. Born in 1820, died in 1858. Lived 3 years," or "Nugzar Gaprindashvili. Born in 1840, died in 1865. Lived 120 years."
Next, the presenter asks the group: “What do they not know how to count in the Caucasus? Maybe these notes were written on the gravestones with meaning? And with what meaning? The meaning of the notes is that in this way fellow villagers assessed the richness and overall value of a given person’s life” (FOOTNOTE: This example, in a slightly modified form, is taken from the book by E.I. Golovakha, A.A. Kronik. Psychological time of the individual - Kyiv: Naukova Dumka, 1984 .).
Instructions:
Now we will jointly compose a story about a certain person who in our time (for example, in 1995) graduated from school and began to live on, having lived exactly 75 years. Everyone must take turns naming an important event in the life of a given person - from these events his life will be formed. I draw special attention to the fact that events can be external (entered a certain place, worked there, did such and such), or they can also be internal, associated with deep thoughts and experiences (for example, some people became great, rarely going out from your home). It is advisable to offer events that correspond to reality (without any meetings with aliens and other funny supermen guys).
At the end of the game, everyone will try to evaluate how successful the life of the main character was, how interesting and valuable it turned out to be: everyone will, as it were, write a note on the gravestone of our main character, how many years he lived not according to his passport, but for real.
Based on the experience of running this game, a typical life scenario is something like this (for girls): after school, goes to college (often economics or law); at the institute he meets a guy, dates (sometimes a child appears); quarrels with a guy; meets a foreigner (less often a “new Russian”) and, almost always, goes abroad (Europe-America); surprisingly, he often returns to Russia after some time; then it’s very simple - get a job, work; sometimes she gets married again and starts a family; very often - grandchildren appear; often closer to old age - writes memoirs; usually dies surrounded by loving children and grandchildren.
For young people (guys), the life scenario is approximately the same, only more often they go not abroad, but to Siberia or the Far East, and then “open their own business” and earn huge money (“fortunes”). Sometimes it happens that the main character receives a rich inheritance, but often “squanders” it. Often at some stage (closer to adulthood) they become drunkards and quarrel with their son, but then they usually make up and also die surrounded by loving relatives...
Thus, it can be assumed that even in a collective story, real problems that are present in typical relationships of adolescents with parents and peers are often projected (manifested). And although the game serves not so much for the projection and reflection of these relationships, this should not be completely taken into account (underestimated) when conducting it.
target:
— activation of the group
- development of attention
- development of voluntariness
— establishing contact
Description:
The class is divided into two groups. One group sits on chairs placed in a circle. The second group of children stand behind the chairs. They will be the watchmen. One of the chairs is unoccupied, but there is also a guard behind it. This watchman must find with his eyes someone who will try to escape from another watchman, who will have to hold him back.
A discussion of the lesson is held with the training participants - the guys take turns speaking about what they learned from the lesson.
The task is used as a warm-up. All participants are asked to walk quickly around the room, constantly changing the direction of movement. First, the task is to touch (collide) with each other as little as possible. Then it changes to the opposite: to hurt others as often as possible (but, of course, without pushing each other too much).
Activities that develop nonverbal communication
Four people join hands. Their task is to, without releasing their hands, walk along the chairs on which the group members are sitting. To do this, the chairs should be placed in a circle and the distances between them should not be too large. No instructions are given to those sitting, and they choose their own behavior. At the end of the game, this behavior is collectively discussed. Usually, the majority of group members try to make it difficult for the four to complete the task, without giving up their place and not letting it pass by. It is necessary to discuss the behavior of the four - and, first of all, its leader (i.e. the one who walks in front) - aimed at overcoming this resistance, compare the effectiveness of the methods used by different fours (request, demand, attempt to walk right over the legs of those sitting , an attempt to force them off their chairs, etc.). Naturally, the behavior of the group leaders at the time when the four need to walk on their chairs sets a certain pattern for the rest of the participants (i.e., it should not be aimed at making it difficult, but at facilitating the completion of the task). However, this pattern is not formulated verbally and is by no means always accepted by young people, which also provides a good topic for subsequent discussion. This game is useful to teach at the initial stage of work and does not make sense to repeat in subsequent classes.
Goal: development of non-verbal means of communication
— increasing the level of interpersonal interaction
The boundaries of the log are conventionally marked with tape on the floor; the training participants stand on it one after another. Their goal is to switch places so that the first participant becomes the last. And the last one is the first, and one cannot go beyond the log.
The game is a modification of a well-known game in which the driver must find a hidden object, focusing on the instructions of the other players: “hot” if it is close to the target, “cold” if it is far away. The difference is that instead of simply hiding an object, various actions are planned, the nature of which is not known to the driver in advance (for example, the task may be given to tie the shoelaces of those present, or take off the glasses from one of the participants and put them on another, or put a chair in the center of the circle and stand on it, etc.). The task is invented by the group members together in the absence of the driver. It must be effective (tasks like “crow three times” are not suitable).
Target: performance check
Time: 10 minutes
Materials: a questionnaire with questions for each student.
Target: group cohesion
Materials: ball of thread
Instructions:“Please sit in one big circle. I have a ball of thread in my hands, now we will silently throw it to each other, to whomever we want. Just make sure that the thread is in the hands of each of the participants.”
Thus, the ball is passed on further and further until all the children are part of one gradually growing web. Then you can talk to the children about everything related to group cohesion, asking them “Why do you think we made such a web
